Have you ever wondered if the stuff people post on Pinterest is true? Well I have, and I test them all so that you don’t have to, ’cause ain’t nobody got time for that. Click here to check out all of the pins I haven taken on. You might be surprised by some of the results!
In response to several requests, I spent my Labor Day weekend trying to tan myself with household items. The two pins I declared war on were these:
http://pinterest.com/pin/36028865739501809/ (DIY Self Tanner using lotion and cocoa a/k/a “Lick my Legs” a/k/a “Choco-tan” a/k/a “Who Smells Delicious?”- for Beverly)
http://pinterest.com/pin/75364993737159884/ (DIY Self Tanner using black tea a/k/a the “Healthy Tea Tan” – for Bethany)
I tried the cocoa one first, because it was the most hilariously intriguing. Per usual, the instructions were simple: mix cocoa with lotion, rub on. Look glorious. Smell amazing. Land your dream job. Win the lottery. Cure cancer. Date Ryan Gosling (“Hey, Girl, you smell like dessert, and I dig it”). I think you get the idea.
First, the mixing:
Yum? Gag? I was confused, but I started smearing.
There are actually a lot more pictures, but all of them involve me bending over and The Boy “accidentally” taking pictures straight down my shirt. I don’t think you need a montage of cleavage to grasp the process of rubbing chocolate lotion on.
I know the pin says, like all self-tanners, the results might be a bit streaky. Kudos for a tiny bit of accuracy. I don’t look tan, I look like I just ran the Tough Mudder again and forgot to wash this leg. I let it soak in a bit while I moved on to test number two.
The “recipe” calls for four bags of black tea steeped for 15 minutes. I did exactly that, but actually threw in an extra teabag for good measure.
While my tea bath was percolating, I decided to try to rub in my choco-tan a little better. Instead of eliminating my streaks, it started to flake off and I had to quit while I was ahead.
When my tea had steeped for the recommended time, I took a paper towel, dipped it in several times, and started rubbing tea on my other leg. I kept applying and applying and applying, wiping, rubbing, dabbing, and dripping.
Here are the final results (are you sitting down??):
Look at my choco-leg in the background. Ha!
Well that was fun. My dermatologist might kill me for this, but if you really want a tan, get it the old-fashioned way! I personally am on a mission to make pale ghostly white sexy again. It isn’t working – yet – but I still have my hopes up.