Knock Knock

Who’s there?

FireplaceOrange.

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

FireplaceOrange.

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Fireplace

Orange you glad I’m finding a new home?

YES!

Our retro conical dust-gathering “conversation piece” (once visitors got over the live tree) has been put out to pasture. Actually, it found a new home with The Boy’s mother, who lives in Gainesville, FL (Go Gators!) and was happy to take this orange beauty home. It now has a loving home on a farm, with space to run, and couldn’t be happier. If you don’t believe me, here’s proof:

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Greener Oranger pastures.

 

 

Burnin’ Ring of Fire

We are still in the “house tweaking” phase of the new house, awaiting construction to begin on the new peaked roof. It is delayed for several reasons, but mostly because FEMA is bananas. It is the federal government, so not very surprising. Architectural plans are being redrawn and new trusses designed, and I am sincerely hoping construction begins in a few weeks. Until then, we shall focus on the exterior.

Fire pit

This funny shaped area (picture a wonky egg with corners) between the house and the pool had bushes in it, and as you can see, two sprinkler heads. The bushes obstructed the view from the pool of the TV we bring outside on weekends. An awful problem to have, I know. I took the bushes out one afternoon, and we had the epic idea to turn this area into a fire pit. A FIRE PIT! (<— this is not doing justice to my enthusiasm!)

First, we had to cap off these sprinklers, which was pretty simple.  We dug around to uncover the source pipe, cut it off, and capped it.

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The nail polish remover was used to clean the pipe before applying the glue (which is actually a chemical solvent that melts the two plastics together). Be sure to use nail polish remover containing acetone.

Boom!  Fire pit building time!

Fire Pit

We decided to recess it into the ground a little bit so we didn’t end up removing TV-obstructing bushes and replacing them with a TV-obstructing fire pit. That’s when it happened.

Fire PitThere are two problems in this picture.  First, we discovered ANOTHER pipe, that we didn’t know about, which feeds the circulatory system of the pool (I’m sure that is not the correct term, but I don’t know what the correct term is, and this is why we pay a pool guy). Our brainstorming ideas included (1) off setting the fire pit to one side to avoid contact with the pipe (hideous!); (2) putting down a thermal barrier of some sort (eh); or (3) giving up (nope!). Finally, the Boy had a great idea. Pavers!

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The second problem with the picture above is that the stones we bought have these raised lips on them (right side of the picture), so no matter how we stacked them, they didn’t sit flat. We later learned that this is because they are actually made for retaining walls, to be stacked with the lip down catching the back edge of the stone below it, and therefore able to withstand the pressure of earth pushing against it. We remedied this issue by getting a chisel, hammer, and whacking the lip off of every single stone. It was a bit time consuming, but fairly easy, and worked great.

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We left a few inches of dirt on top of the pipe, put the pavers down, which helped making leveling easier, as well as providing a barrier, and then built the fire pit on top of it. It is important to note that this was the FOURTH time we laid out the stones, and these suckers are heavy. We placed them once before discovering the pipe, once off to the side in a strange shape, and twice in the location you see now. It was exhausting, but we are loving the fire pit just in time for the weather to get chilly (60ish degrees at night = chilly for a Floridian).

With the addition of rocks around the pit, as well as in it for a little extra distance between the fire and the pipe, we called it a day. Well, a night.

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I have no idea whose toe that is.

House Tweaking

Not to be confused with house twerking.Cat Twerk

The first thing we always do when moving into a “new” old house is to change the toilet seats. I am a germaphobe, and no amount of bleach or scrubbing makes a stranger’s toilet seat inviting. Seriously, I hovered to pee (at home!) until this task was complete. The first of such restroom breaks resulted in (TMI yet? Keep going. I dare you) a leaking of water from the base of the toilet. Yay for “new” old house surprises! The blue culprit (not just sad, also ugly):

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Hey, blue turtle … “taking a leak” … you’re doin’ it wrong:

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So we decided to just replace this whole turtle. First step is to turn off the water, disconnect the hose from the tank, unscrew the bolts in the base, then

Master Bath 2Party people, I beg you, do not skip this step. Empty the disgusting water into the tub. Then scrub the tub. Then burn the towel. Then take a few showers. NO BATHS.

Installing the new turtle is fairly simple, and instructions are always included. A new extra thick wax ring makes all the difference. Check out our fancy new commode that is not so blue it cries out the bottom:

Master Bath 2

A trick I learned from a good friend is to use pennies to level an off-kilter potty by just sliding them in where needed. We still need to caulk the gap with the floor, but I actually don’t think we will since this whole bathroom is getting gutted. One less thing to rip out.

There are two other turtles in this house that got a less royal, but much needed treatment of simply swapping out a new seat. It is the easiest and cheapest short-term fix you can make.

We also removed the carpet in one of the bedrooms. The reality is that the carpet in the entire house is absolutely disgusting, but for now it is better than cement floors, and once we replace the roof we can remove the offending walls to reconfigure the layout and install new hardwood or engineered floors. Until then, I will have nightmares about the nasty carpet strangling me while I’m doing sit-ups (neither of which will happen).

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The final tweak to the house was, sadly, removal of our indoor carbon dioxide to oxygen converter … yes, the tree. THE tree, as our neighbors say. We would have loved to save it and transplant it somewhere, but it just was not possible.

INdoor Tree

It took some branch cutters and the sawsall, and it was a pretty easy job just taking it down and removing the fake (yes, fake) flowers. We still have to remove the (very real) dirt and mulch, dig the roots out, and cement in the hole in our slab.

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Bye bye, birdie. This picture, I could not resist:

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But The Boy kept going …

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Until we had this pile of dirt left in our living room:

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It really opens up the living room (if you can look past the drop ceilings) and although I really wanted to decorate the tree for just one Christmas, taking it out was the right call. If it kept growing, the roots could affect the foundation, and that was a chance we weren’t willing to take.

Baby steps.